Last night I awoke for a time with some worry once again about all this unable to sleep focused on my fears and worries and I began to pray. I found a deep peace and began to feel that I should focus instead on what is really important--simply my love for Claudia; I began to feel like God was telling me "Why are you so focused on worrying about such insignificant things (meaning insignificant to God's power, not meaning that the wedding is "insignificant") when the love you share with this woman is priceless? Have I (God) ever failed to provide ways for you to do anything you need and ask from me in the name of Jesus?"--by the way, I don't know why I ever worry and let worrying about anything affect and even on occasion act as a poison in my life and relationships. I mean when I hold onto that worry, it begins to manifest itself and express itself in negative ways that are even totally unrelated to the original issue or cause of worrying!-- Like I start getting upset about other silly things and then sometimes say things I don't mean at all. Focus on deep worry becomes a poison that bubbles up and attempts to pollute the beautiful aspects of one's heart and spirit. I can tell you from my studies in physiology too that excessive worry and stress is INCREDIBLY destructive to the whole body and is one of the biggest causes of serious & chronic physical illnesses and so many more health problems.
God actually is very clear to us in the Bible that we are not to focus heavily on our worries because he promises to take care of us, ESPECIALLY when something seems to be overwhelming to us is where his power is most perfect. So although God gives us some power or ability to create pretty grand things on our own or fix our problems with the brains & tools he gave us, when something is beyond what we can do, we are not to worry about it but just pray and surrender it all to Jesus who still bears the cross for us. I will tell you there is the deepest peace you have ever felt when you get on your knees and ask Jesus to take your fears, your worries and burdens away and surrender your life yet once again to him and tell him especially: "I trust you with my life and my relationship with Claudia"
Anyway, I wanted to let Claudia know how sorry I am for the things I sometimes say and I don't mean at all when I'm stressed and worried and when things don't go exactly my way and I get upset and impatient because of misunderstandings--which are a part of life and making plans. More than anything I guess I have been so worried that I won't be able to make her day as perfect as she pictures and this worry creates a poison in me...but I let go of this worry this fear THIS DAY; I have a blessed assurance now that I won't let go of knowing that God is going to see us through everything, one day at a time and I want you to know that I see and know that everything we plan is going to work out because God is our #1 wedding coordinator :-)
To all those whom Claudia and I love, I want you to know that we have our dream church reserved for us on April 18th, 2009 and a fantastic & beautiful reception hall also found and reserved last week--Claudia and I both have very high quality expectations, and this reception hall truthfully exceeds what we both dreamed we could get on our budget thanks to our wonderful wedding coordinaters who were able to get us this extremely desired location place at nearly half its normal price. Second only to each other, we look forward to seeing you all there that day and fellowship with you.
Although I took my time writing my version of "Why I Love You" in response to Claudia's same writing way back in April :-) here it is finally...and of course this part of the writing entirely belongs to her :-) although everyone else is welcome to read it. Thank you everyone for being in our lives and giving Claudia and I so much support and wonderful wishes. I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you God for giving us all you have provided us and will provide us for this wedding and our lives...In JESUS' Holy name we receive this and know this.
POR QUE TE AMO CLAUDIA
I love you because I can give your life so much more than you would have on your own and you do the same for me. I love you because when I pray with you, I know and feel Jesus is there with his arms around us protecting us and letting us know he brought us together in love. I love you because you have seen me at my absolute worst sometimes when I'm upset and yet it never shakes your love for me, and the pathway of our love we walk together does not change course. I love you because your family and friends accept me and love me so deeply too. I love you because like me you know that love and loving is a choice and not some random combination of mere feelings which may change over time. I love you because you are very strong in spirit, intellect, and your whole self and yet you are simultaneously vulnerable to me to let me know and feel how much you need me in your life in every way. I love you because you share your culture with me. I love you because you fit so perfectly in my arms and your "nook". I love you because the richest memories of my life are all those shared with you since that October afternoon in 2007... I love you because you are the answer to every prayer I offered, every wish I ever asked. I love you because you came at the perfect time in my life when we were both ready to accept and fully realize what God gave us in each other. I love you because the picture I have in my heart of you walking to me down the aisle on our wedding day in your beautiful gown and saying our vows in front of God and everyone we love is the most beautiful, sacred scene I have ever been able to envision in my entire life. I love you because our love creates miracles. I love you because together we always find a way through anything difficult and we forget and forgive each other's shortcomings that may emerge when we face something difficult. I love you because we learn during these hard times and improve ourselves and improve the way we deal with each other and challenges faced together. I love you because when I met you for the first time that day in December, you were then and always will be my Christmas miracle. I love you because only I can touch the depths of your heart & soul, and the same is true for you being the only one who can touch me the same way. I love you because I am the man who is everything you say you wrote down on a list of what you wanted and then I appeared a short time later--let me assure you that even though I did not make a written list, you are this in the same way to me. I love you because seeing you play with children is also one of my most precious pictures in my heart. I love you because when I get upset about some silly thing, you know how to distract me with humor or tickle me to lighten me up and make me laugh. Of course I can go on and on as well, and perhaps I will continue this list but I want to say...
TE AMO MUCHISIMO PARA SIEMPRE MI AMOR CLAUDIA...
